The Christian Paradox

My mother and I were discussing what it means to find yourself by losing yourself, what appears to be the great Christian paradox.

It is confusing to us because we have lived in an age that has taught us in no uncertain terms to take care of the Self above all. The Self is our golden calf. We have learned that an intact and robust ego and our own personal comforts, dreams, wishes, efforts, talents, improvements, and accomplishments are the types of things that will bring us happiness and lead to a worthwhile life. Even activities such as gift-giving, serving, helping, and loving others translate into fulfillment of that Self because we believe those things are good and make us feel good about ourselves. We're all about warm fuzzies for ourselves and making the world a better place.

All of that could be fine if this life was all there was. But Christians believe it isn't. We believe there is more we can become, that God's plan, this mortal life experience, is the best way to learn and choose and be tested, and that there is a another realm of existence toward which we should be striving. So what is that realm like? It is where God is, the loftiest of places, where all is true and right and, well, selfless. Everyone there will, somewhere along the line, have lost himself in all that is bigger than himself, and in doing so will be in the process of reaching his own greatest self-potential as an intelligent being, a child of God, God who is a Being who has perfected in Himself all those seemingly impossible traits, and who desires to give that kind of life to His children.

"The duty of the Christian is not to leave the world a better place, but to leave the world a better man" (Monsignor Gilbey). Interestingly, unselfishness has become unpopular, too abstract, thought impossible, even unhealthy, and is not generally touted as a virtue--something that makes you a better person-- anymore, not in our everyday lives, at least not very often, maybe only for a sense of drama such as in cases of life-saving physical heroism in rescues or battles.

Stephen saw this the other day when he made a verbal deal with a guy on the internet to meet him to buy an item and the guy texted him just before their appointment to say he'd been offered a better price so he'd sold the thing. Is that okay with you? he asked. Steve said no, a deal was a deal. The guy had no concept of that. He really thought benefiting himself was a higher principle than keeping his word. Wow.

We can begin to understand selflessness by understanding characteristics of Jesus Christ. Everything he said and did and chose and suffered were to glorify, not himself, but someone else, the Father, out of love for Him and His children, us. He showed us how to kill off the natural man and made it possible for us to become new creatures. Selfless.

So, we're not supposed to take care of ourselves? YES, but we must think of that differently. It's all a stewardship assignment from Heavenly Father. Everything is His and from Him, even our bodies and minds. Keeping this in mind, we can feed, bathe, exercise, clothe, provide for, educate, rest and entertain ourselves, and even stick up for ourselves because we feel it is God's will, because we love Him, because we're grateful, because we want to be good servants, because we want to glorify Him. In fact, we may do the exact same things as we always do, but with different thoughts and motivations, the kind that lead us to selflessness rather than self-centeredness.

Other words for losing oneself might be turning back to God, repenting, killing off the natural man, giving away our sins to know God, giving up the self, overcoming the cares of the temporal world, becoming Christ-centered. Finding oneself might be rephrased as being reborn, spirituality, holiness, having an eye single to the glory of God, humility, submission to God, an unearthly joy and gratitude to God. (One way that seems to make it clear for me is to think of how we must forgive others if we are to be forgiven by God. Forgiving someone who has wronged us and hoping the best for them is an unselfish thing, a killing off of our naturally hurt feelings or human sense of fairness. When we do that, we are overcoming the Self or natural man. This commandment is there to help us learn godliness.)

We are free to hold on to the Self or give it up to God, which for the striving translates into a lifetime of mental skirmishes in which we end up enslaved and fooled by that narrow, unreliable Self and everything it wants, or gloriously freed to explore an endless supernatural universe of light and divine love and knowledge.

We ought to see by now that the philosophies of men aren't working. When we seek comfort for its own sake, it doesn't last. Mere tenderness turns to tyranny. If anything, we have more unhappiness, inhumanity, and misery in this world of the Golden Self than ever.

I woke up this morning with the last line of this famous prayer of St. Francis of Assisi in my mind in the form of a song Drew's Mens' Chorus sang. It has two meanings. When we kill off the Self and when we physically die, we can be born to the life God wishes us to live, now and forever. Not that this is easy in any way, quite the opposite. As Flannery O'Connor put it, "Holiness costs."

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.